Mad Woman Rambles

“How did we end up here?!” Krystal exclaimed, pacing the floor in front of the register at The Krystal Ball. Night had fallen over the city with a heaviness that left her on edge. She continued her relentless pacing as I licked my front paw, stopping myself to give my best kitty side eye.

“Do cat really lick themselves this often? Remind me never to jump into an animal again,” I purred as I assumed a kitty loaf position.

“You’re not helping, cat,” Misty chimed in as she walked out of the office. She had been on the phone with her black-market contacts to see what we were up against. “We need a plan, not panic,” she said stepping into her sister’s path to get her to stop her pacing.

“Is there a spell or something you can use on Minerva?” Krystal asked hopefully. “What did your contacts say?” she asked clasping her hands together in a prayer position hoping for a miracle. Misty shook her head and plopped down on the wooden chair behind the counter. Her combat boots clumping on the glass counter as she crossed her arms and leaned back.

Krystal stopped in front of us, “Well, what did they say?”

“Nothing helpful really. Most hung up on me when I told them what we did to Mallec,” she sighed twirling a lock of her blonde hair.

“We?” Krystal said gob smacked. “We didn’t do anything. You were the one who opened that portal to the four seasons desert and karate-kicked him in there,” she sputtered.

“Potato, po-tat-o,” Misty replied. “The other ones basically said we needed to hide in another dimension for the rest of our lives and never return home. So not helpful.”

I looked between the two despondent sisters and sighed loudly. “You need to use the artifact on me.” I offered. “It is the easiest way to restore me to my former glory. Use the relic.” I said managing to look annoyed in my cat form.

“Wait! What relic?” Misty asked. “You have a relic?” She stood abruptly looking at her sister who twisted her fingers around each other.

“I may have gotten something from the fae that they asked me to hide,” Krystal admitted. “I didn’t know what it was or how powerful it is.”

“Don’t play dumb, child. You know exactly what it was and its power. Why do you think your store was ransacked when we returned?” I chided Krystal.

“Oh, so you both were holding out on me?” Misty asked huffing with righteous indignation.

“Oh please. I wouldn’t trust you with that knowledge as far as I could throw you. Neither would your sister,” I said glaring at her. Misty looked between the two of you.

“I am trustworthy, you know.”  Misty replied, hurt lacing her words.

“Right. As if we don’t know what you were doing before you came back home,” I chided Misty, who had the decency to look away.

“Why does everything keep going back to that damn thing?” Krystal swore. “I have had thing forever and then that Disney Princess of a fairy walks in and all Hells breaks loose.” She paused. “I don’t even know what it does.”

“Now that I believe,” I scoffed as Krystal came up to me planting an arm on either side of body. I had to move my head back as Krystal got in my face.

“What is the relic?” Krystal asked, fixing me with a look worthy of her aunt Stormi. It looked like she finally meant business and I was tired of being in this cute little fur ball’s body.

“It’s an interdimensional key. Or something like that, isn’t it?” Misty replied quietly, meeting her sister’s gaze. “It’s supposed to be able to open anything.” She turned her gaze to me, “I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” I reply. Krystal raised up to glare at her sister.

“Hey, that’s all I know. I swear,” Misty said. “I may have been sent to retrieve it.” She muttered under her breath.

“She is right. It is a key,” I chimed in before Krystal could fully processed what her sister just admitted to. Rovers were black-market retrievers who specialized in magical artifacts that were hard to find. This relic in particular must have been something very powerful if the fae were trying to hide it.

“Go on,” Krystal’s curt reply cut the silence in the room when I paused.

“The relic was formed by one of the many all-knowing gods. I can’t remember who exactly. It could have be–.” I recited but was cut off.

“Continue cat. I am not in the mood,” Krystal demanded.

“Right. This key was made to assist this god with traveling across dimensions without using the ‘front door’, so to speak,” I continued. “Long story short, he got drunk off of juniper wine and star dust and forgot where he left it.”

“So, you are telling us, some mythical, magical all-knowing being, made a key. Then he got ‘drunk’ and lost it?!” Krystal recited, counting on her fingers.

“Yes,” I answered stretching out my front legs and then arching my back in yummy stretch that felt better than it should have felt. “Oh, don’t give me that look. Just because he was all-knowing in his dimension, doesn’t mean it was going to work in every dimension.” I said sitting back on my haunches feeling irritated by this line of questioning.

“Huh, that’s funny,” Misty remarked chuckling to herself.

“Why me? Why now? Why here?” Krystal asked no one in particular but I answered anyway.

“Because that relic has a mind of its own and I am pretty sure the story stated he lost it on Mars. How it ended up on Earth is beyond me.” I finished my story and stared back at the sisters.

“Now you are just messing with us,” Misty piped up. “So, this being visits a dead planet in our universe and loses what is pretty much a skeleton key then just leaves.”

“I didn’t say he was smart. He had to use the regular door to get home, and Jehovah was not pleased. There was some form of punishment, but I can’t remember exactly what it was,” I added.

“That is how I am feeling right now. Dumb as fuck,” Krystal muttered and started pacing again. “Why would Korbin give it to me? How did he get it?”

“Does it really matter?” I asked. “Though I curious how it crossed his path. I thought you said the fae gave it to you.” Krystal continued her pacing ignoring my question.

“Beings in the supe community are going to find out you have it. If Mallec deemed to come to get me himself, he may already suspect either you have it, or I do. Seeing as I am a cat, I’m sure his suspicion will fall to the four of you.” I added food for thought.

“In the meantime, change me back and I will be able to help you get rid of it.” I offered.

“The cat has a point, Krystal. You don’t want Mallec to get that key if it is as powerful as it seems to be.” Misty suggested. “Hells, we don’t even know what that key is capable of. “ Misty leveled with her sister, who finally stopped pacing. “Let’s change Minerva back and give her the key to get rid of it. If it truly is that powerful my backers don’t need to get a hold of it either.”

“You’re right. Let’s do this. Okay, cat. I mean Minerva. How do we use this thing?” Krystal said over her shoulder heading into her office. A few minutes later she came back having retrieved the magic 8-ball paperweight that had held down a stack of papers on her desk. We both fixed her with a bug-eye stare as we gawked at her. “What? Hiding things in plain sight is what we do at the Krystal Ball.”

Stayed tuned for after the Labor Day weekend for the next installment. For those of you in the know I will be at Dragoncon cosplaying it up. Maybe there will be pictures next time. Until then. Thanks for reading!